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To my dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I had all those years ago: Come back home!
Most people generally love Chanukah or Passover. Some really go all out on Purim. Others love Rosh Hashana. When someone asks me what my favorite Jewish holiday is, they are often quite perplexed by my answer. Yom Kippur is my favorite holiday.
Let me explain. My ex-husband and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 16, were the best of friends, and after a couple of years, something happened and our friendship blossomed into something more. I was not religious growing up, but I always went to synagogue on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Every year on Yom Kippur, while in the sanctuary, I felt a small tug at my heart from all the beautiful tunes and words – at times so much so that I would cry, even at the age of eight. At 18, we started dating, and at 21 we broke up. At 24, we found our way back to each other and moved across the country together (from Montreal to Vancouver). We were essentially married in all ways – except that we weren’t really. At 28, we got married officially. My ex was not interested in Judaism or in any religion for that matter. Little did I know what a central and core part of me I was giving away by marrying him.
Intense and Overwhelming Sense of Clarity
I remember a couple of months after our wedding; it was Yom Kippur and I was in synagogue without him. Except this time, it was no longer small tugs at my heart; it was a powerful and breath-stopping pull that I had never, ever felt before. I was moved to tears.. As I looked over the mechitza (separation between men and women in an Orthodox synagogue), I was overcome with the most intense and overwhelming sense of clarity: I had married the wrong man!
As I looked over the mechitza and saw all the little boys sitting on their fathers’ laps, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my children would never experience Yom Kippur with their Abba if I stayed married to my husband. My soul was screaming in pain, howling in agony, and I listened to it. I listened to my pintele Yid( Godly spark) and I followed it on a journey into the unknown.
True Beauty and Joy of Yom Kippur
Thus for over a decade, I have experienced the true beauty and joy of Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement. and my time to reconnect with Abbaleh, my Father in Heaven. My time for opportunity to renew my relationship with Him and with the people I love and care about.
The fasting may be challenging, but it serves as a very important and useful purpose, in my opinion.
Yom Kippur is going to look very different this year than it has in past years, as I will be home with the little ones most of the time. I will likely not have many (or any) opportunities to be in synagogue, but I intend to find opportunities to steal some time to talk to Abbaleh and thank Him yet again for pushing me to the place that I am at now: married to the perfect man for me, entrusted with raising three of His precious jewels.
To my dear readers who observe Yom Kippur and to all my dear brothers and sisters who may be experiencing a screaming and crying soul like I had all those years ago: Come back home. Abbaleh is right here, waiting to hear from you, waiting to shower you with an abundance of blessings. Listen to your soul. It knows best.
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