DJ POTUS (aka President Obama) seamlessly juxtaposes melodically progressive nuclear non-proliferation mantras like “Reset” with authoritarian breakout beats from renowned soprano MC Kim Jung-un, not to mention that world class Mix Master, Teheran’s own Ali ‘Special K’ Khameini.
Yes, POTUS’s ‘Hello I Love You’ Nowruz serenade fell on deaf ears. But, it wasn’t buried by Special K’s “Straight out of Compton” response. Rather, the two seemingly incompatible musical stylings blended effortlessly to create yet another verse for that intoxicatingly whimsical ditty known as ‘International House Party: Mixed in the USA’.
For years now, Special K has been opening for DJ POTUS on the latter’s ‘Cure American Power’ tour, playing to sold out audiences across the Middle East.
In the next few days, the former Choom Gang chieftain is set to officially pass the baton to Special K. All of POTUS’s software, flash drives, cables, controllers and headphones will be handed over to Khameini during an all-night, UN sanctioned, rave.
When the night is over, Club Teheran will have been recognized as the region’s first and only 18-and-over, 5 stage, Muslim mega-club, complete with its own nuclear powered sound system.
Once DJ POTUS has exited left, Special K promises to blow the roof off Club Teheran and hit the region “like a prophet ascending to the heavens.”
Iran’s Supreme Being is already working on a new track, inspired by Nena’s ’99 Luftballoons’.
The media coverage of DJ POTUS has been so overwhelmingly positive that that the talented but predictable DJ Pax Americana suddenly seems old and irrelevant by comparison.
Despite growing stories of bad behavior by Special K and his Munificent Mullahs backing band, the audacity of hope screaming from DJ POTUS’s foreign policy forays continues to captivate the media elite.
Apparently, bleeding hearts and utopian minds find Obama’s progressive tracks as infectious as Disco Biscuits electronica-jam fusion sounds.
Though his days as the Middle East’s super fly MC are coming to a close, DJ POTUS has one more surefire Dubstyle hit to share: ‘Palestinian Statehood 2015’, or “PS15” as it is referred to by European hipster diplomats.
‘PS15’ is set to drop on the Jewish homeland with the heat, integrity, fervor, and sincerity of Milli Vanilli’s ‘Girl You Know It’s True’.
Unfortunately for Obama, Israelis have just awarded PM Benjamin “Baby Face” Netanyahu with an MTV Lifetime Achievement Award. As Netanyahu was accepting his prize, DJ POTUS rushed the stage, grabbed the microphone and told the audience to “respect peace” and that Special K should have won.
The Israeli PM’s closing MTV Awards performance, a mash-up of Jay-Z’s ’99 Problems’ and Bob Dylan’s ‘Positively 4th Street’, did not help turn POTUS’s frown upside down.
Only time will tell if Ali ‘Special K’ Khameini can handle the turn tables of regional supremacy as effectively as DJ ‘Pax Americana’.
DJ POTUS is betting the entire Middle East on it.
By Harry Ben-Zvi and Gidon Ben-Zvi